I’m angry. Sometimes, like now, I hate my life “ not the part where I’m traveling and working internationally; not the part where I’m living on a secluded island that’s considered one of the most beautiful places on Earth; and, not when I’m working with clients that are empowering themselves to live in their brilliant creativeness. I’m angry and hate my life when I can’t have what I want when I want it.
Being on a spiritual path, it’s inevitable that I would come to the realization that I am not in charge “ never was and never will be. The ego aspect doesn’t like that one bit. It begins kicking and shouting "I HATE YOU!!!" to God, to the world, well to anyone in earshot.
Cognitively, I’ve known all along, and said out loud and in writing that I’m willing to will God’s will. Well, that’s only when things are going the way I want. I HATE it when God’s will forces me to face and discern the absolute truth in relation to my relative truth “ the things I want in the material world. I like saying that I am the eternal presence of Divine Grace. I lack nothing. I need do nothing but follow when divinely led. Being in direct experience with this truth can feel ecstatic. However, the aspect of me that is still entrenched in the consensus reality, linear causality and the like, it does not like giving up the illusion of being in control, which would allow me to believe I can make things happen.
I witness countless solo-preneurs spend thousands of dollars on business and marketing courses expecting that that will kick start their business. Quite often it doesn’t. And, they feel frustrated, desperate, and powerless. When we can’t get what we want when we want it, most of us try harder “ taking more courses, talking to another business coach, or quitting all together, going back to work at a job that pays the bills but doesn’t light up their lives. Maybe there is something interfering with you creating the business you say you want. Maybe there’s something to consider, other than you aren’t doing it right or doing it at all.
No one trusts me when I suggest that perhaps their spiritual path is calling, and that the required work ahead of them has to do with something other than getting it right and getting it done. They nod their head, say "Yes, I know about that, but…." The conversation is pretty well over at this point.
I didn’t trust me either when I began to seriously walk my talk. I kept pushing for outcomes, rewards, indications that the work I was doing was paying off. Realization #425: There is no payoff. Well, the payoff is that I have far less anxiety, far less fear, far more serenity and love in my life. The truth, for me anyway, is that I have to completely surrender my will and my desired outcomes to my higher knowing -to God, one step at a time. EVERY 12 Step Program tells you exactly the same thing. EVERY True Spiritual Teacher tells you that too.
You are here, on Earth, as spiritual beings within this Human Body to evolve spiritually, developing consciousness, letting go of memories, perceptions and behaviors based on those perceptions, and live in your highest truth, your highest knowing. That’s it!
If what you are doing to grow yourself, grow your business or your relationship, isn’t working, consider that perhaps now is the time that you are being called to build your life, work and relationships from what you know to be true, as opposed to fear-based perceptions that keep you from expressing the fullest expression of your essential self. Stop doing what doesn’t work.
I have to say, again, that when I suggest such an idea, people say to me: "Yes, Rosie, but that is really hard to do." I totally agree. It is F_____ing hard work. But, is your life worthy of the work that it takes?
I started this piece, sharing with you that I’m angry, and in this moment I hate this whole spiritual practice stuff. However, I know it to be the ONLY reality “ the one we say is truth, as opposed to fearing it isn’t true. It is the reason that most of you who read these newsletters are on a spiritual path of some sort. You know the truth, and you know, as I do, that no matter how hard the practice, it is worth all the blood, sweat and tears poured into the life we are willing to create.
I believe we have a choice. We can wait until we are hurled into some disaster, where we are absolutely out of control and have no choice regarding loss of wealth, health, home or family, before we begin to question what is true and real, or, we can consciously choose to step into our truth, consciously choose to walk our talk, and consciously choose to experience the you that is so much more than you ever imagined. You, me and every other human being is at this very threshold of truth. What will you choose to choose? Yes, it is hard work!
You know, already, that I am here to support and empower you to fulfill your human spirit in all ways possible. Let me know what you think! Rosie