To get some inspiration for writing today, I opened the book, Diet Like a Guru. I wrote this book eight years ago. I was surprised to be impressed with what it had to say and how relevant it is to my life, as much as it was relevant when I wrote it.
A particular chapter—You Have Already Started, got me thinking about new year resolutions and how most of us have already fallen off the wagon and quit on our resolutions. Truth is, if we aren’t ready enough to stay on track with our desire for being where we say we want to be, well, then we just aren’t ready.
Our resolutions generally are in alignment with a desire to thrive, with regard to health, wealth and love. We might start, but sometimes we just don’t believe we can come to a level of fulfillment that is worthy of the time and effort we put into making it happen—whatever it is. We aren’t ready to face our fears, our success, our fulfillments or our disappointments. Generally, we are attached to something that feels too scary to lose or let go of. We aren’t ready to even imagine being without that. So, we aren’t ready.
One of the things I think is so great about us human beings is that we are so brilliantly sneaky in ensuring that nothing changes when we aren’t ready, while we say we are trying to change. We are geniuses when it comes to rationalizing and justifying why we are doing what we do, even though there is no foundation of truth in our words or our thinking. I suspect you may be laughing right now, as you can see the humor in all the ways you lie to yourself about what you say you want and what you say you are doing to have what you want. You, like most of us, justify and rationalize why you don’t have it! And, you may not be ready to give that up!
I suspect that all of you reading this are grownups. As such, you make thousands of mature choices every single day of the year, except when you don’t want to. In these moments, you shift your thinking ability back to when you were a kid.
As a kid, our parents were the boss. And in most ways, we trained ourselves to live under our parents’ ways of being, doing, and thinking. At times, we were powerless, helpless, and hopeless (PHH), when it came to getting them to see us as beings worthy of dignity, love, and respect. So, we found our way around our parents’ authority, to do whatever we could to express our own sense of pride, dignity, and worth. These expressions may have not been in our best interest, but that wasn’t the point.
The point then, and to a large degree now, is to empower ourselves to express ourselves the only way we can. A client of mine, Shelly, shared that when she was a teenager, she dyed her hair black and went Goth! It gave her a sense of power to drive her parents up a wall. She shared that she had to do something to express her ability to empower herself—regardless of the outcome, otherwise she would go insane. When she was ready, she let go of her attachment to the Goth thing and found something that was a clearer expression of her authentic self.
Food as a Vehicle of Power
As I read in Diet Like a Guru, food, for many of us, provides so much in the way of power and comfort. When we empower ourselves to indulge our impulses to eat, we feel powerful and in control. And well, we should. Sometimes eating is the only place in our lives where we feel a sense of control. This is a super great way to avoid feeling powerless, helpless, and hopeless within our chaotic, stressful and insane lives. We empower ourselves to adjust our emotional thermostat so that even with the slightest degree of restless, irritable, discontent, we head for the kitchen to get a fix of control, power, and comfort. Thank GOD!
There are a Thousand Ways to Empower Ourselves
So, when we consider stopping the very behavior that gives us a sense of power and control, we freak out! This makes sense, doesn’t it? In the past, that kid part of us had no other way to feel, seen and empowered, except through this particular behavior. You want to take that away from yourself? Are you crazy???
What we may be unaware of, when we’re thinking about changing any of our habits, in order to thrive, is that it’s not what we choose that gives us power and control, it’s that we choose, that gives us power and control. So, you see, you have already started to make those changes, because you know how to choose to choose what you choose. You just may not know it, or trust that you can do it!
In the Guru books I wrote, within every chapter I’d add, “As a Guru…” In the chapter, “You’ve Already Started,” I write, “As a Guru you are aware that every moment is the beginning of becoming. You are mindful of what choices align with your desired results and which choices keep you where you’ve been. You are stretching your abilities to tell the truth—to give up lying to yourselves. You cultivate your capacity to feel your true human condition, which sometimes is the feeling of PHH (Powerless, Helpless, Hopeless). And you’ve come to accept when you don’t yet have what it takes to choose differently—not yet anyway.
I’m Not Ready!
One of the most elegant aspects of being human is that if you aren’t ready to choose differently, you don’t have to. You can rationalize or justify if you think that will help—but it won’t. It is just a matter of respectfully admitting that you are not ready yet. You can let yourself off the hook. Know that you are on your way—that more preparation is required. No need to guilt yourself. It just isn’t your time yet!
You will continue to prepare yourself for the moment you’ve been waiting for. You’ll imagine yourself feeling fulfilled and delighted with the life you are creating. This is the time of preparation you’ve already put into place that has brought you this far. All of this is working to support you being successful to the degree you will be successful.
You’ve already begun! And, you still may not be ready. Respect yourself for this knowing. And know you’ll know when you are ready, because you’ll take that step effortlessly and ask, “Why didn’t I do this sooner?” Trust me, this is a great moment.
It is an incredible gift you give yourself when you honor yourself with the truth— “I’m not ready!”