For the majority of us, throughout our lifetimes, we are entrained to believe that, what we are and what we have, is not enough. We are taught to look for what we need to get, in order to be enough and have enough. Our mindset is to ongoingly worry and strategize to get what we do not have, as opposed to realizing and appreciating that we already have everything we need. Bottom line is: “I’m not enough. I don’t have enough. And, because I’m not enough and don’t have enough, I’m not safe.”
In the book – A Course in Miracles, it says: “Lack implies that you would be better off in a state somehow different from the one you are in.”
I’m blown away by all of the years I spent living as if I would be better off in a state different from the one I was in. By focusing on what I perceived to be lacking, I was in not only in a state of lack but also in a constant state of sadness, anger, disappointment, bitterness and fear. Angst and dread were so much a part of me, I didn’t know they were there, until in my late 50’s, when I realized I’d lived my whole life as if this was me.
Most of us choose to go with the flow—riding the tide of evolution. What I mean is that we don’t choose to actively engage directly in experiencing what it’s actually like to personally evolve. Why is that?
First of all, most of us see ourselves as not enough. We doubt our ability to evolve correctly—as if there is a correct way. Second, we believe we don’t have enough, and that includes trust in ourselves, the world or the Universe. And third, what I hear from everyone I speak to about personal growth stuff: we don’t know how to be with the unknown that is unfolding in front of us. What I hear most often is this: “I don’t know how to do me!”
And to make matters worse, no matter who you talk with, a coach, therapist, your marketing person, IG, Facebook, parent, partners or children, they all reflect that there’s something lacking. “You don’t have it and you need it! And, you need me to fix you, heal you and make you right!”
The paradigm within which we exist, is a living breathing reality of not enoughness. And, living in this reality really sucks!
As the Paradigm Shifts
My client Bernice grew up in a not enough environment. Then she married a man who ongoingly reflected all of the ways she wasn’t enough. Her life was filled with little traumas that kept her from knowing herself any other way than not-enough.
Though we’ve been working together for years, it’s taken Bernice a while to bring herself out of the state of not-enough. It’s only in the last few months, with the passing of an overbearing mother, and the separation from her controlling husband, that she’s experiencing herself more awake and alive. She’s experiencing a space within which she has room to be. And she is experiencing herself more empowered to own the choices she’s making. She’s coming to trust her enough-ness.
Bernice’s conversations used to be based on how she had no choice, that her circumstances dictated how she needed to be. Now she sees that, all along, the choices she made were the best she could possibly make, considering her circumstances. Rather than focusing on the lack of personal power, she is able to frame the choices she made as actually wise choices that kept her sane and safe. As her paradigm shifts, Bernice is rising out of lack mentality and realizing the wisdom that has been there for her whole life.
We never know who we are becoming. However, allowing ourselves to rise from a paradigm of not-enough and lacking, like Bernice, we begin to own our deep and wise intelligence.
Life is Full of Unknown Potential
The only way we can experience the fullest potential of our lives is to live every moment as it transmutes and transforms us beyond who we thought we were. We develop self-realization and the capacity to self-actualize by courageously allowing ourselves to discover what truths we hold dear—those that are self-evident, and those that are full of bologna; then choosing to choose which ones to act upon.
As our paradigm shifts, now, more than ever, we are able to make intelligent choices to evolve consciously. And the more each of us can own this capacity to make intelligent choices, the greater fulfillment we experience in our lives. Also, by doing so, we support and empower the people we love to do the same.