It’s Never About the Money or Fighting My Way Out of A Paper Bag

I’ve been living in a RV travel trailer for almost 20 years. My reality hasn’t yet opened me up to living in a real home. I once got so far as to have the house design and permit completed. On the day the permit was in place, I came down with an excruciating headache that lasted for days. I took this to be a sign—too much stress!


If you visit me in my trailer, walking in the door, you are transported. The views themselves would transport you out of the perceptions and perhaps judgments that you are in an RV. The quality of the space is like a sanctuary, though it has my workspace and living space combined. I’m very happy here. The quality of my life is pretty much almost everything I want. My life is simple. I have time to write, paint, as well as work with clients, and create trainings and courses.


At the same time I’ve imagined myself having a house—not a tiny house, but a real house. However, the moment I imagine my house, dollar signs just start  flying all about. Ideas such as, “the cost is prohibitive,” shows up. And the dream dissolves back to nothing.


With the coming of winter, I imagine that being in a house would mean my fuel bill would be less. But then, something else clicks. If I built a house, I would now have a big mortgage again, and my land taxes would probably double. So the truth is, I’d end up paying far more out of pocket having even a small dwelling than what I’m paying now. The dream again dissolves.


So, the questions aren’t necessarily: “Do I want a house? Do I want to pay less for heat? Do I want…”.  It’s: “What concepts about me and about money need to shift so that regardless of the costs, the money is forthcoming?”


The way we perceive money creates the reality we experience in our lives with regard to what we manifest—prosperity, poverty, a house or an RV. In essence, it’s not about money. It’s about how we perceive money.


This conversation can become a bit of a rabbit hole. Our concepts about money bleed into concepts about self. Concepts about self bleed into concepts of history, culture, religion, gender, family…. YIKES! Rather than sorting through all of that, I think I’ll just go back to being happy living in my RV! The dream dissolves once again!


Stress is the cause of over 90% of illnesses. I think our concepts about money are the number one stressors. As I realize the concepts, beliefs and perceptions I hold on to about money, I feel the angst and panic that I don’t and won’t have enough. However, when I practice letting go of those perceptions, I become more relaxed. Little by little, as the fears and angst about money diminish, the quality of my life is optimized. 


This doesn’t mean anything with regard to what is or is not in my bank account. It just means I experience more peace with what is. And the more peace I experience, the more relaxed and open I become. Evidence shows me, through my own experience, that I always have what I need.


So, when my focus is on creating peace and well-being in my life, I take inventory when I’m not in peace. I notice what thoughts, feelings and sensations are arising. Any restless, irritable discontent that arises, tells me there is something amiss—something telling me I’m not safe or secure—that I’m somehow lacking. Down the rabbit hole I go, mining for that which takes me out of peace. There it is again…. Something about money!!! Something about me that doesn’t allow the money to be forthcoming.


Recently, I’ve been taking inventory of what I’ve provided for myself—where the fulfillment of my human spirit was more important than anything else. The list is spectacular. It includes living in Nova Scotia, and crossing the Atlantic Ocean on a 93 ft sailboat. It includes academic adventures through 3 masters degrees and a PhD in Transpersonal Psychology. I’ve created a business as a Transformational Coach that has taken way beyond any career potentials I imagined. I realized a home on Orcas Island, which is beyond the beyond, as in wonder-full! Through this inventory process I see the evidence of my ability to create and provide for myself in such amazing ways.


I’ve also been taking inventory of where in my life I lived in the belief that I can’t do it alone—I can’t get what I want by myself and for myself. Through this inventory process, I witnessed how I looked to others to provide for me, and where I manipulated and strategized to get what I wanted. Over and over again, I saw where I used people, only because I totally and completely believed there was no other way.


I don’t like feeling what it feels like as I remember being manipulative. And, I don’t like thinking of myself as that kind of person. But, as the truth is being told here, I was that kind of person.


So, I have two different realities occurring simultaneously. One reality—the truth of who I am as Self, demonstrates the manifestation of my heart’s desires, over and over again. The other reality—based on the concepts of myself, demonstrates, even today, my inability to do it on my own—where I continue to perceive that I lack something or someone.


Which Would You Have Me Choose?

Having heard my story, where would you place your bets? 


I love the process of untangling “truths.” It’s what makes me good at my job. But it’s also what makes my life worth living. For, more and more I reveal to myself what I never saw before—perhaps couldn’t have seen before now. It’s a great big game of “How Great Can Your Life Be?” It keeps getting better, that’s all I know for now!


Is a House the Prize?

If or when a house manifests itself in my reality, is it the prize for all my efforts? Perhaps. However, for me, it’s more about letting go of what I’ve been attached to—that which has gotten in the way, my whole life—those concepts and beliefs I’ve been holding onto forever! The ones that limit the full potential of my dreams to be!


So, it’s not about the prize. It’s whether there is peace, well-being and infinite delight, in realizing a house. When it all comes together, the money and the affordability will be a matter of fact—I have no doubt about that!


Since our reality we live in is so focused on money, it’s really challenging to see that it’s not about money at all!  It requires a bit of a paradigm shift! That requires a bit of a taste for curiosity and adventure. 

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