Do I Love My Life?
For years now, I’ve been aware that I wake up in the morning feeling slightly melancholy, with a small degree of anxiousness thrown in for good measure. I’m not depressed, though some might label it so. I just feel uninspired and unmotivated to jump out of bed. I guess the thought that runs parallel to these feelings is: What’s the point of my life for me? Sometimes, it just feels pointless.
I delight when there are stimulations of some sort awaiting me, in which case I anticipate the day with enthusiasm. But when it feels like the "same old same old," I’m challenged to love my life.
I know I’m not alone. I suspect the majority of people use some form of stimulation to get them moving and keep them moving in the right direction, whatever that means to them. However, in my commitment to recover my life from all the ways I’ve been avoiding my life, I no longer count on food, sex, money, alcohol, or love to bring pleasure and contentment to my life. I still love my coffee!!!
My practice is to stop relying on these externals strategies and substances, and focus on my internal guidance system for inspiration. Most of the time it works. Sometimes it doesn’t “ especially first thing in the morning. I’m ready for a change “ no wait “ I’m ready for Transformation!
The What’s the Point / Pointlessness Syndrome
I’ve come to realize there are a number of elements to this What’s the point-ness/Pointlessness syndrome. The first is related to the degree of value I place on my life. How does my life create value for me “ does my life create value for me? I know that I love my work, my home, my family, and my friends. Yet, I don’t love my life!
How can I love aspects of my life but not love my life? Can a person love their life completely? Can they really love it all? As a Transformational Life Coach, I’m saying YES “ Of Course! Personally though, I question my ability to make it so. However, I believe in walking my talk, and practicing what I preach. So here I sit, contemplating why it is so dang hard to love my life.
The second element surfaced a couple of evenings ago while I was doing my dishes (probably 5 dishes in total). I didn’t want to do the dishes, and threw a mini-tantrum. It was one of those what’s the point moments. (I recognize that I have a lot of these what’s the point moments.). I realized that I expected some reward for doing the dishes, which equates to being good and doing good deserves a reward.
In the midst of this query regarding loving my life, I came to see that I held a life-long belief that rewards of any kind from the external world should be forthcoming when I do all the things I "should be" doing. I’m a good, kind, and loving person. I work hard, I’m responsible, I stay present and mindful to living a spiritual life, and I contribute to the well-being of the Planet as best I can. Where are my rewards?! What’s the point of doing what I do if the promised rewards never arrive?
One More Element “ Waiting
For most of us, we live in waiting “ hoping that something or someone will come into our lives and transform it from drab and lifeless to amazing and spectacular. I see how, on some deep level, I continue to live my life in waiting. I’m waiting for my life to change into that life, which I’ve anticipated forever. That life may never show up “ that life may never manifest.
So what am I left with? What am I waiting for, when I know there is nothing to wait for? Sounds depressing “ it’s not, really. It’s part of our human dilemma. Part of growing ourselves into ourselves by empowering ourselves to make those changes that inevitably lead to transformation and a loved life.
Yesterday, after immersing myself in some contemplativeness, I just sat and said to myself: "Okay, so what is the point of my life? If I’m here to experience humanness through this particular embodiment; if I’m here to learn and to grow “ gathering lessons and wisdom along the way, why think myself unfortunate with what I’ve got? Why be condescending of this particular incarnation “ as if I had a choice; as if there was a life that would somehow be better than this one? And, why expect rewards from external sources when what’s really true is that rewards are intrinsic, entrenched in my being, and in any action I choose to take? I like it when my kitchen is clean, when the laundry is done, when my emails are answered…. It feels good to have things done, though I might not want to do what it takes to make it so. I love serenity. I love all the ways that my life reflects my desire for peace and beauty. It’s just hard work, and sometimes, I just don’t want to do it.
When I put it all altogether, I was able to see how my life is absolutely perfect for giving me everything I came here to experience “ including failing to see those rewards I’ve received that are far beyond my expectations. I couldn’t think of one thing to change, other than the belief that it should be different. Funnily enough, this last thought shifted my perspective enough that this morning I woke up a little less melancholy and anxious, and a little more content and grateful for the way that it is. Fascinating!
It’s important for me to experience fulfillment of my whole being, while I’m alive. I believe this to be the winning ticket, which gets every one of us into the bonus round of the game of LIFE! If I’m not willing to provide myself with a valued and rewarding life, how could I expect someone else to provide it for me?
Part of me still holds on to the belief that the external world should validate my existence “ provide me with money, power, fame, beauty; however, if I cannot create contentment and serenity within myself, valuing and validating my own existence, I most likely won’t truly create it through my interactions with the world outside me. And, as I’ve heard many times, if I haven’t come to love my life, I will never allow myself to fully receive abundance in any form as truly mine. So goes the process of the paradigm shift.
I want everyone to experience the fulfillment of their human-spirit. That’s why I do the work I do “ empowering people to empower themselves to have all of the richness and fun they are willing to have. Keep questioning reality, if you dare, experiment with thinking differently and doing differently, and see what possibilities show up. Give me a call or email me, if you’d like a thinking partner to support you through this process. I’d be honored!