I’ve been working on bookkeeping for taxes, cleaning up errors in my books, creating the content of my current coach training “ in summary, attending to nit-picky stuff. I hate attending to anything where a high degree of attention to detail is required. I’d rather hire someone else to do it for me “ pay them thousands of dollars so that I can avoid the angst and vulnerability that arise through doing what’s required as a solo-preneur.
When working with clients and students, I love attending to details; otherwise I HATE IT!
There are a lot of things I hate doing, but given my current circumstances, its come down to me doing what needs to get done, whether I like it or not. And, its curious to me that I can actually allow myself to experience fulfillment just by doing what needs to be done. This is after decades of avoiding, resisting and procrastination.
The initial intention of doing what I hate was to save money. Of course, interesting insights revealed themselves. In doing what I hate to do I’ve had to get over myself and be accountable and responsible for everything I’ve created and continue to create in my life. The outcome of this practice is that I have to question the intrinsic value in taking a stand that has me hate anything.
For instance, I hate cleaning paint brushes, because if the job isn’t done well, the brushes get stiff and unusable, and I end up having to throw them out. I’d rather just throw them away or have someone else clean them. My whining voice says "There’s too much possibility of failure here. Let’s just do something else." On one occasion, when I offered to help a friend paint her kitchen, she asked me to clean the brushes. I couldn’t say no after offering to help. So I put aside my whining self, I put aside my normal “ lack of attention to detail, and did the best damn job I could with cleaning those brushes. I considered how other people love to clean paint brushes and I witnessed how my whining didn’t allow me to do the job that needed to be done “ and allow for the possibility that I could actually enjoy it. It was a stretch, but I actually allowed myself enjoyment!
I whine in the same fashion when doing my own bookkeeping and attending to the minutiae of being the production manager of my book publishing process. Attending to details as an exercise has allowed me to drop my incessant critical and negative thinking process, which includes whining and wishing I could pay someone else to do this, worrying about the errors I’m making, and avoid the vulnerability I feel as I ongoingly face another round of edits and changes.
I realize more and more often that angst and anxiety arise from my fear of being vulnerable. Then, just the other day, while reading David Hawkins’ book Transcending the Levels of Consciousness, that vulnerability persists as long as there is an attachment to gain, pride, vanity, control, and more. Well, that certainly made a clear case for the fear of vulnerability being so relentlessly present. I have a lot to lose by messing up! I’m safer limit myself to doing those things I’m good at.
What You Resists Persists
I think there is an intrinsic value in completing a task, and as I face the next round of revisions, I remember one of the most important intrinsic value, for me, of doing anything, is the learning that comes just by doing it. Shifting my attitudes allows me to be present to what is, and to handle what is without judgments. Just do it, because it needs to be done.
As I exercise muscles which limits negative thoughts and just do it, my relentless resistance dissipates. And, I’m handling those details with more delight in their completion. Honoring my commitment to learning and completing what I promised myself I’d do brings a deep sense of dignity and honoring of my whole being.
Doing what I hate “ as a practice, exercises brain muscle and cultivates awareness of what I resist while uncovering the source of that resistance. Training my mind to witness and observe those emotional and physical sensations that stop me from trying something new or challenging, allows me to STOP, LISTEN to the thoughts chattering away that make me feel anxious and vulnerable, and LOOK to see if there are specific interpretations in place that I can choose to relinquish, in support of making my highest and best contribution to my own life and to the world.
Because I’m experiencing less anxiousness and vulnerability and am hearing far less negative self-criticism, the REWARDS of this practice, I’ve discovered over time, is that I have greater access to my creative potential. Frankly, I have nothing to lose.
The experience derived from doing what I hate has had me on a steep learning curve. Yet, more and more often, when I have to do something I hate I can more quickly assess what I’m up against, regarding perceptions and beliefs I’ve interpreted as bad, yucky or dangerous, and perhaps choose to see another way to look at it all. I have free access to a larger bandwidth of choices. And, what used to be HATEFUL is now kind of fun! (And, just as an aside, I am much more creative! Go figure!)
Whether you hate facing what’s needed to grow your coaching practice, or that you are facing mounds of unaccomplished tasks that seem overwhelming, I’d love to support you in cultivating a practice that will turn what you hate into a fulfilling and meaningful practice that will cause delight and freedom to abound in your world! Call me: 360-376-4323.
