“Deconstruction of the Life after Death” Aging Like a Guru – Who Me? with Dr. Rosie Kuhn, #186

Deconstruction of the Life after Death

Living in a small community, on an Island no less, we’re constantly aware of the passing of people. And with the passing of my friend Virginia and others, I’m aware of what it takes to deconstruct the lives of others. For children, for family members and friends, the task is inevitable – what to do with stuff!

It’s like someone threw a party and then left without cleaning up! I’m not one to enjoy cleaning up other people’s messes. I believe that’s part of why I coach people to be accountable and responsible for their own lives. So that they take care of their own messes, take responsibility for how they live and how they die.

And, guess what? There aren’t many people who willingly take responsibility for their lives and for their deaths.

Honoring those that have to clean up after we are gone is a big deal. We don’t want to admit that we are going to die. We don’t want to do any prior preparations. We don’t think of those who have to clear the clutter. After my Aunt Genevieve died, as the executor of her Will, my dad spent months going through her disorganized papers, sorting and ensuring that all her affairs were complete. Tons of old files that seemed irrelevant but could potentially be important, meant that he take the time it took to do away with every piece of paper he came across. I believe when he died he made it easier for my brother Michael to complete the final tasks of putting this person’s life in order, close the file, and call it a day.

The gravitational pull that brings to each of us the stuff of our lives, material, financial, health, relationships, dissipates when an individual dies. All of their belongs disappear, either to the trash heap, to other people, to the Good Will, to who knows where. And this is a powerful part of the deconstruction of an individual’s life.

My friend Harold and Maud are moving into a two bedroom rental and leaving their beautiful home after 45 years. They began clearing out their clutter a few months ago, had a huge garage sale, and still have a huge amount of stuff that they aren’t yet ready to part with. They too are in the process of deconstructing their lives. And there are those of us who are witnesses and supporters of them as they go through and complete this horrendous task. They are in shock, because this is a traumatic experience. They will need to be comforted and nurtured while they settle into their new home.

This is one of those topics that touches me deeply. Conscious of leaving behind remnants of ourselves that others will have to sort through, throw out, pass on, or keep is a gift we can give those we leave behind. And the truth is, most of us won’t because we don’t want to think about all that stuff.

So part of the practice of aging like a guru is to mindfully be present to the way we live and die. In essence, every day we are dying. And I can say, that out of fear we are grasping with white knuckles to life, but my experience is that most of us aren’t living our lives – we are just coping, managing and strategizing how to make the best of what we got. Change means the risk of experience loss, which we will because we do experience loss. There’s no way around that!

The intention of these Podcasts is to perhaps prod some curiosity into you and into myself, on how to live life more fully – experiencing the fulfillment of our human spirit. That means consciously taking responsibility for our own lives, as we live AND as we die.

No matter what, there is that deconstruction process that occurs for each of us. The more conscious we are of this process, I believe, the greater degree of honor and sanctity we bring to our lives and the lives of others.

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For more blogs, books and videos, or if you are interesting in coaching or training with Dr. Rosie, check out her website: www.theparadigmshifts.com

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