I’m always moved and inspired by my clients. For me it’s not just a job. It’s a lifelong journey of exploring how every single one of us lives our real lives. We can’t not be living our real lives, however, we can live in a story, or an idea of ourselves that has us
believe we aren’t. Is it worth questioning?
Here’s a Beautiful Example
My friend Jake is 55 years old. He is an amazing human being in so many ways. Jake is one of those people that everyone loves—not only because he is lovable, but because his heart is so open with love for others.
Jake and I have been friends for almost 20 years. He trained with me as a coach, and he’s coached with me on and off through the years.
Jake works in Hollywood making a bunch of money, yet never has enough. He’s decided to have a few sessions with me again to get to the root source of his financial challenges. What’s it all about?
On the one hand, Jake’s work is really fun creating what seems unfathomable to so many people. On the other hand, it is all very stressful. He’s constantly putting out fires for his clients, so has to be available pretty much every hour of every day.
It’s Never About the Money
People’s money problems are never about the money. So, with Jake, we explore how he sees himself, the world, and in this case, money. If his money problem isn’t about the money what the heck is it about?
Part of Jake’s story is that his career-path has basically been taking on whatever is in front of him. He’s had a litany of great jobs that just fell in his lap. His perception is that he’s never chosen his own path—he has only accepted what has shown up in front of him. So, he says, it’s not a real life.
Jake shares, “I don’t fully commit to the work I’m doing because it’s not the real work, because I didn’t choose it. And I’m not the real person because I’m not the one that chose. I’m wanting for my real life to start!”
Jake sites the Grammy Winner Taylor Swift. In her acceptance speech she said something like, “I don’t belong up here.” He shared that he resonated with Taylor’s sense of being just a person with no real talent. Taylor doesn’t get what it is that has her
winning Grammys. Jake says he doesn’t get the amazingness of what he brings to the world. He sees himself as a fake! Fake Jake!!
At the end of our call, I said to Jake, “Okay. When we hang up the phone, your real life begins.” Jake said OKAY! We finished our time together and said goodbye.
I love Jake’s pursuit of a real life. And though he has as a tendency to talk about stuff without acting in alignment with that—like us all, he’s willing to allow me, his thinking partner, to question his reality, only in service of him exploring his thoughts and beliefs. This allows him to see what’s creating issues—money, in this case. It also allows him to freely choose differently, if he wants to!
Generally speaking, in questioning reality, we either stay focused on the answers or we divert the conversation, hoping no one notices. When I’m a thinking partner/coach, I notice!! However, personally speaking, I can take myself offline, and avoid the whole issue. “What difference is it going to make, anyway?” However…After my conversation with Jake, I’m asking myself, “Am I living my real life? How do I know if I am or I’m not?” JEESH!!
As I’m inching my way towards being in my mid-seventies, I watch thoughts creep into my head that have me question my reality. “Am I enough? Have I done enough? Is my body who I am, or am I the being inside my body who thrives and enjoys being me? Did I make the right decisions? What mistakes caused me to end up as I have? What is real, anyway?”
Regardless of age, many of us take stock of how we’ve been true and real. In a sense, it’s taking inventory of ourselves—just the facts—suspending all judgments. “Yeah, like really, Rosie?”
For me, it’s a time to assess—again suspending judgment: Who I was as a mom, partner, friend?
Now, however long I’ve been doing this inventory stuff, I’m always amazed at what arises. I see where I’ve blamed others for wrongdoings, when it was me who bears responsibility for so much of what showed up in my life. I shake my head and realize that I didn’t know what I was doing. I didn’t know any other way to be me. I couldn’t have done it any better. I did the best I knew how to do. And here’s me now!!!
Years ago, I was riddled with shame and guilt at having to admit any wrongdoing on my part. Now, I can smile and just feel compassion for that part of me that truly did her best. Did she live her real life?
Recently, the analogy of going to university has popped up in regard to this question. Choosing to go to college, choosing a major, doing the course work for that major, experiencing resistance, frustration, disappointment and heart ache, getting poor grades and sometimes good grades, failing to show up sometimes, and inevitably graduation….Did I really go to college? Was all of that part of my real life?
If after college, instead of getting a career based on my Major, I choose a job that is the opposite of that, does that make my college years less real? I can tell you that a lot of people would say, “Hell Yes! That was a waste of time and money because I did something other than what I trained to do. I’m a fake! My parents suffered and sacrificed, and I let them down.” SIGH!!!
Beginning to live a real life can bring up all kinds of questions and all kinds of responses. Simplistically though, I believe that’s what we are all here to do—just realizing if this is a real life for me.
For Me, I’ve Got This Down to Two Points
It’s always a real life but it’s not really me living me when I’m doing what I do because I’m afraid to do something else?
It is a real life, and it is really me when I’m doing what I’m doing because it rings true in my heart, puts a smile on my face and delights me. I experience my essential nature being expressed in the world.
Simple But Not Easy
Just like studying in college, it takes dedication to question and discern what’s true for you. It takes practice and training to focus on what really matters to you. It’s a daunting task to do the coursework—whatever is in front of you, because it’s yours to do. It’s all part of the perfection of you unfolding into the unique expression that is only yours—only you!!
A Call to Action:
My intention with these writings is to inspire you to be curious about who you are, practice discerning what shows up and empowering yourself to choose based on what really sparks joy! Give me a call or email me if you’d like some support through this process from me. I am here! Call me at: 360-376-4323 or email me at rosie@theparadigmshifts.com.
